I was at the doctor’s office the other day and get this, the INSERT POLITICALLY CORRECT NAME FOR THE PERSON THAT IS FORMALLY EDUCATED AND TRAINED IN THE CARE OF THE SICK AND INFIRM asked for my gender and gave two options: Male or Female. I couldn’t believe that in this day and age how sexist someone could be.

First, we have become so worried about sex that the word no longer is used to define our…sex. Gender is the term to define the societal and psychological characteristics you display while sex is used to define physical characteristics. Gender=Psychological. Sex=Physical. Somewhere along the way, sex became a bad word and gender has taken its place. Lesson for my son: Sex is evil. I know that’s how you came to be, but it is inherently evil and will destroy the world. Your body is filth.

Second and worst, male? I mean, c’mon. That term I associate with neanderthals. Every ad I see and the general impression of a male shows a knuckle dragging, butt scratching, fart machine. I am better than that. I don’t associate with that male and need to distance myself from it — it has picked up some negative associations. Lesson for my son: Don’t you dare let someone call you a man or a male or anything associated with that neanderthal term.

I have said it before: political correctness is nothing but an ugly truth dressed as a pretty lie. By simply changing labels, we are avoiding the core issue as to why we feel the labels need to be changed in the first place.

I recognize I am going over the top here — but it isn’t too far from the truth. We are politically correcting ourselves to death. Don’t get me wrong — some have been for very good reason since they were borne out of racism or sexism, but that is becoming less and less the case for change. Now, we are so afraid to be different, we strive to be the same. I think honesty with ourselves is long overdue.

What bothers me most about this whole thing is that the fight to “avoid labels” pushes us to a homogeneous society. Instead of a palette of countless colors, we all want to be one, unidentifiable blob. A label means I am different. But the same people that are crying out to stop the labels are in turn saying — “I am INSERT GROUP, hear me roar!”

I have no idea what to teach my son. If he needed to describe a person he just saw, how might he do it? According to all that is politically correct and right, he should say he saw a person — any other defining characteristic — derogatory. Overweight? Short? Tall? Blond? How dare you sir! We are trying to own both sides of an argument — I am proud to be daddy blogger — but don’t you dare call me a daddy blogger! Take HLN’s Mommy bloggers take on anti-obesity ads. Morbidly obese kids should be happy about their weight — but obesity is bad? Huh?

Octavia Spencer was criticized for saying “I am not healthy at this weight”. Did she say “I think I need to be thin to succeed?” — no! Might she feel that way — I wouldn’t doubt it — but that’s not what she said. We are so focused on offending fragile psyches that we are literally willing to die young to avoid it.

Even the term “mommy blogger” is causing some consternation. Take this article by Maria Bailey in MediaPost: Stop Calling Us ‘Mommy’ Bloggers. One bit of feedback she got when posting the question about use of the term “mommy blogger”:

Mommy blogger sounds condescending and doesn’t represent the professionalism of moms who own blogs.

The terms Social Media Moms and Power Moms that Ms. Bailey uses will become roadkill as “social media” and “mom” and “power” take on different meanings, but I do like the most popular term in feedback: “I am a mom and I am a blogger.” Fair enough.

Being different doesn’t create schisms — not being accepting of those differences is what creates schisms. I don’t pretend to think that racism, sexism, ageism and classism don’t exist. But at the same time, I don’t think we need to tack on the word “engineer” to every task ever created nor should we take offense at every single possible label. We can be different and proud without alienating.

Lesson for my son? Treat others like you want to be treated. Unless my son hates himself, I think this should work out.

Image courtesy of sixninepixel

The short of the story for lack of time, but make sure to read it for some crucial points:

The answer, in the peer-reviewed study of the online habits of girls ages 8 to 12, is that those who say they spend considerable amounts of time using multimedia describe themselves in ways that suggest they are less happy and less socially comfortable than peers who say they spend less time on screens.

The internet and social interaction are relatively new when you compare it to say — the telephone or even simply talking to one another. Like television when it was introduced, the societal impact of social media and the internet in general is still unknown and in fact, may never be known.

Television, newspapers and the telephone helped create a global community but to have your voice heard, you needed it to be deemed interesting enough to attract the attention from a large portion of the DMA that the local TV station served or the reach of your local newspaper. Daily interactions with neighbors consisted of “hellos” as we passed one another on our way to and from work or in the form of block parties and hangouts. The Joneses were what we saw on TV and discounted as being “too perfect” — or within 10 house radius — or a second cousin twice removed.

Now the Joneses are everywhere and piping their lives into our browsers every nanosecond of the day. Keeping up with the pack no longer means what I see on my street as I drive to work. The pack is now coming to me and they are coming from well beyond my neighborhood. Everyone from the workout kings and queens to the whiners and perfectionists, from the rich and poor to the hunters and vegans are posting their every whim and fancy for me to watch in the comfort of my own home. Where I once only saw the outside of the house — I now see not only the inside, but every room and cobweb as well.

Keeping up with the Joneses just got a lot harder.

I don’t subscribe to keeping up with the Joneses as well as what “normal” is. Trying to keep up with everyone, all the time, would leave me nowhere and unhappy. My focus would be not on one goal — or a few goals — but the goals of everyone I know — and ultimately goals that are not my own.

Is it possible then that young minds can’t make this distinction and “normal” is now more confusing than ever? Is social media creating a mental log of what we don’t have or don’t do? Will social media be around for my 3-year-old?

As I sat there looking at the picture of the happy runner and thinking “here I sit” — my next thought was “good job.”

…and that I ran yesterday.

Image courtesy of Vlado

As I have mentioned in other posts, I am not an “organic-only” person, although I do lean to them when it comes to our son. Also mentioned in other posts, I grew up on a small farm with a family that made meals from scratch — so for the most part, my diet was inherently organic. Apparently, by eating a vegetarian chicken raised in our front yard, without antibiotics and killed in the last 24 hours (most times within the last hour), I was eating like a socially responsible foodie (NY Times Article). Who knew that people would be willing to pay more for the age old way of raising and eating a chicken?

As usual…I digress….

On to Annie’s Homegrown. What have we tried? The Organic Snack Mix,Organic Fruit Snacks, Natural Mac and Cheese, and the Bunny Grahams.

The short? Everything tasted great — and more importantly, our son loves them as well. I judge fruit snacks on simple criteria: ingredients, taste and texture, with texture being almost as important as taste, and these fruit snacks pass with flying colors. In other words, they make tasty organic and natural food at affordable prices, give back to the community and support sustainable agriculture — much like other organic and natural food producers. Where they kept me as a customer was customer service, which is a dying breed and something my son may never really experience.

We bought a bum box of the grahams. We Opened the bag of grahams inside an undamaged box and we were greeted with a funky smell. Box: fine. Bag: fine. Expiration date: fine.

Satisfied with the product? Nope. So my partner in crime takes to the phone lines. A quick five minute conversation uncovers what we had suspected — a glitch in the production process, specifically one of the oils that was used. Danger? None. Issue? Taste and smell. Result? Apology and a couple days later not only a coupon for a replacement box but a hand signed letter and more coupons. Feeling? Happy.

I know. This should be the rule and not the exception, but those days are long gone. I give kudos to the Annie’s Homegrown team — the replacement was expected, but the added touch of the nice conversation, letter and additional coupons was just right.

This one is different. This is the David Cornfield Melanoma Fund — a charity based in Canada. I am not going to try and tell the story myself, since it is best told by those who lived it. You can find it here.

Take the time to watch it. I know I have thought of skin cancer much in the way described in the video — something that can be cured in a simple office procedure. This makes a very simple case for that not being the exact truth.

When I found it on facebook, the title of the video was simply “Dear 16-year-old me”. I assumed it was another video simply talking about the things you would tell yourself if you could go back in time. I was right to a degree– but this video focuses on Melanoma and how something so very dangerous can be cast aside without thought.

What does this have to do with parenting? A daddy blog? Well, one of the things we can easily overlook as parents is our own health. Time is always pressed and we put things off with the best intentions of getting them done. Taking care of yourself is not selfish or unmanly — it’s responsible.

My son is too young to watch this video (he is 2.9), but it does prove the importance of sun block and sunburns. I grew up on a farm — being in the sun was a fact of life as were sunburns. Watching this video was an eyeopener and I know increased my own awareness.

I will also hug my son just a little bit longer.

I try to balance everything with the Wifey (again, whiff-ey) — almost to a detrimental degree. Our son is still under three, so we haven’t moved into some of the more complex scheduling of school, work and sports, so I can only go with the needs of now. I feed him. I bathe him. I put him to bed. I give him his booboo buddy when he needs it. I hold him when he cries. I wash his clothes. I fold his clothes. I put his clothes away. I give him his nebulizer. I build forts with him. I act as his personal gym set. In other words, I try to be an equal.

Do I want a star? Do I think I am special? No. My simple philosophy is that work should be fairly split. I will admit that some things like his laundry (70%/30%) and in particular toe and fingernail clipping (100%/0%) do skew to the Wifey a bit, but that is due at points to personal preference. Translation: I wait until laundry NEEDS to be done, while the Wifey does it when it SHOULD be done. As for the clipping…my son and I share the same level of coordination right now and that will only lead to bloody fingertips and toes.

What do I find interesting? No matter how hard I have tried to be with our son as equally as much as my Wifey…who does he want when he is hurt? Mommy. Which parent gets tears when they leave? Mommy. If given a choice for holding, which parent is chosen? Mommy. Does this hurt my feelings? No, but it is a curiously natural occurrence (I say curious because some moms DESPISE the “nurturer” designation).

Here’s what I do know. Our kids love us for good or bad. They might critique on a grilled cheese that didn’t have the same exact cheese as yesterday and hit us for no good reason, but they love us. They don’t care who washes their clothes or is quicker with the booboo buddy.

I look back to my own childhood and I know that my parents loved me — they just showed it in different ways. Contrary to where the politically correct world is going — different is okay. Some moms breastfeed only and some avoid it entirely. The right answer? None. The norm? Ha! There is no norm. Anytime I here the phrase “supposed to be”, I laugh. No such thing.

So, Thank You Miss Waldman. It is hard to admit that we hold on to some things for selfish reasons, like that need to be wanted. We all feel it at some point and it is hard to let go. As for “unique comfort”, I couldn’t agree more as I have shown above. You are asking yourself “how can I be the BEST parent to my child?” and see only upside in the answer. I would like to think all parents ask themselves this question, but I know this is only a wish and not reality.

Competing with your spouse to be a better parent — seems to me like one lucky kid.

*Blog image courtesy of Image: AKARAKINGDOMS / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The setup: This is not all inclusive. It is a list of the 5 characters I despise the most based on what shows my son currently watches (or has seen, even briefly).

5. Sir Topham Hatt, Thomas & Friends

Thomas almost made the list for being a bit on the whiny side of things, but I just couldn’t do it, so I had to add ol’ Topham. He makes the list for two reasons: 1. He seems like a generally disagreeable person and 2. “you are causing confusion and delay”. Nowhere near as annoying as the rest of this list, but still deserved a spot.

4. Chuck, The Adventures of Chuck and Friends

Chuck is not an annoyance on every episode, but there are times when he tops the charts. My issue? Everything is about him. EVERYTHING. If it isn’t about him, then he is whining about someone else being in the spotlight.

3. Caillou, Caillou

We have never watched a full episode. Why? This kid is creepy.

2. Clarabelle Cow, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

As far as I am concerned, Goofy is married and has a child. Now, he suddenly has an annoying girlfriend with a voice that makes me want to curl up in the corner and cry. C’mon Goofy, you can do better.

1. Norman, Fireman Sam

From the voice to his actions, this kid is the most annoying character on TV. He nearly gets himself and the entire town killed on a weekly basis and whines like there is no tomorrow. So far, I have found no redeeming qualities in this soulless lump of death.

1. Don’t ignore or insult them.
2. Educate them.
3. Entertain them.
4. Play up the premium.
5. Let them try you on for size.
6. Start small.

In other words: do what you are doing for everybody else.

I get it. I know they are trying to say that the household of today is not the same as it was 50 years ago, but I think it is far more complicated. Here’s some reasons why:

1. Some parents are working together on decisions – joint decisions, who do you market to?
2. Some parents aren’t working together on decisions – how do you separate them from the above?
3. Online social interactions bring recommendations from EVERYBODY – I sure do like the brand evangelists.
4. Mom and Pop stores will make a comeback in our lifetime – Whaaaah? You mean, I want someone that is an expert in the product to sell it to me rather than simply show me that it turns on and off? Weird, I know. Niche+personalized are here and now.
5. Have we forgotten that the internet is the “information superhighway”? — Tremble with fear. Education=loss of brand loyalty and trust. Sorry, but the Wizard can’t hide behind the curtain anymore.
6. Being a parent is a sliver of my pie - sounds a little dirty, but people are complex. Thoughts are complex — and sometimes, even within ourselves, we have seemingly opposing beliefs.

Marketing, particularly online marketing does one thing sort-of well: takes complex data sets and makes them into nice little bundles of easy to grasp concepts. The dirty little secret? It’s a trick. It’s a Ferrari with a golf cart engine, but no one really wants to look under the hood.

Okay, to be fair, it would be a Pinto engine.

I read Notes From a Dragon Mom by Emily Rapp and couldn’t help but think of the despair and joy that comes with parenting. I am not the parent of a child with Tay-Sachs and I will not offend Ms. Rapp and pretend to know what it is like. I can only say that she eloquently points out how trivial things really are when you break down life to the important x’s and o’s. I recommend taking the time to read it.

I read another article where a new mom complained about how tired she was of hearing that “time flies, so hold on.” For an instant, I thought I agreed, but then realized that the reminder is important. I also realized that brushing it aside is the shortsighted view of someone that hasn’t realized the importance of time. One day you are paying attention to every detail and before you know it, work and schedules steamroll you into the comfort of routine. It is difficult to break free and simply be. The advice might seem cliche, but knowing that so many parents grasp at those precious moments should be a testament to the beauty and joy of parenting.

I don’t know what the future will bring. No one does. I can only say to Ms. Rapp that I will try. I will try to be the best dad I can be — not tomorrow with a new day, but today, when it counts. I will try to be in each and every moment I have with my family from the mundane diaper changing to the excitement of a new found word. I will try to look to the future without forgetting the present. I will try to remember that I can’t bank on tomorrow, no matter how routine my today.

I might not always succeed, but I won’t give up.

Last month, Michele Bachmann in an interview on the Today Show (here on YouTube — jump to the 2 minute mark) responded to a question about Rick Perry’s HPV vaccination program in Texas (using Gardasil) with a story about a woman that came up to her after one of the debates and said, “her little daughter took that uh, vaccine, that injection, and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter. It can have very dangerous side effects.”

This is terrifying. The statement was made to attack a political position and to this point has been debunked and the campaign cannot even produce the woman that said it. There were plenty of tactics available for making her point, but Congresswoman Bachmann took a dangerous approach. My problem is that Congresswoman Bachmann is supposed to be a leader, one to follow as part of the United States Congress, and with a simple statement has most likely set vaccinations back a decade. On top of this, how can I ever have my son look up to members of Congress as role models when it is becoming ever clearer they will literally say anything to get ahead, regardless of the impact.

The optimist in me has faith in my fellow Americans that they will not make such an important decision — whether or not to vaccinate their child — based on unsupported sound bytes. The realist in me says there are a lot of people who will be swayed not to vaccinate based on this statement. The pessimist says there will be a lot of people that will blindly follow this byte without so much as a casual glance at scientific data and not only ignore the HPV vaccinations, but all vaccinations — never fully understanding the consequences.

In other words, this single comment could cause a s significant volume of children not to get the HPV vaccination (and many other vaccinations) and that this will ultimately lead to their untimely death. This seems like a stretch even in my mind, but it is the reality of the situation.

My son is vaccinated. We did our research and yes, there are potential side effects, but these side effects are not like those that you find in fringe reports and sound bytes (guaranteed retardation and autism). The side effects range from nothing to life-threatening, which is an obvious risk — and if my child was the one-in-a-million case, I would be devastated beyond words. However, the risks without the vaccine are even greater.

While I try to teach my son accountability for his actions, I can use Congress as an example — unfortunately of what not to do. I will also teach him to make sure he thinks for himself, using the best tools at his disposal.

More information and Resources:
CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vac-gen/side-effects.htm
Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vaccines/CC00014
KidsHealth (from Nemours): http://kidshealth.org/parent/infections/immunizations/vaccine.html
The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP): http://www.chop.edu/service/vaccine-education-center/home.html

*Blog image courtesy of gameanna

1. The sitter. Passing lane is for passing — not sitting (or cruising). This personality is simply unconscious. The world around them doesn’t exist. I want my son to at least know the world — by book or by travel or whatever means exist. Know that it is there. Know that there are many people and many ways of thinking. If he chooses not to participate and hole himself up in a shack in the middle of nowhere and go off the grid, so be it, but I hope he looks around at the very least before he does.

2. The jammer. You know the one. The driver that knows a merge is coming up and makes sure to do it at the last possible second to ensure a longer line for those waiting. This personality will do anything to get ahead – regardless of impact to anyone or anything — and put in a lot more work to save negligible time. This personality lacks the ability to see they are hurting themselves as well as people like them likely cause the traffic jams they themselves sit in from time to time. I want him to be empathetic without being a pushover and pay attention to costs and benefits.

3. The tailer. I don’t mean the standard “one person slow, the other person tailing”. I mean the driver that tails another driver that is leaving a reasonable distance for the slow driver. This personality criticizes others for things out of their control — in other words — they shoot the messenger. I want my son to look at a situation in its entirety and try to understand it better rather then succumb to tunnel vision. This driver can also be called “The weaver” as they weave about the lane as though they are going to pass, but ultimately never do.

4. The idiot. This one is a bit of a catchall, but includes such delights as: the person that honks to push you to make a right turn in a no-right-turn situation; the motorcyclists that ruin it for other motorcyclists by weaving at 120mph+ down the highway endangering everyone within a mile; the drivers that try to “time” traffic lights and start going before it is green only to end up in the middle of the intersection while it is still red. And of course, there are many more. Not much to say here other than I don’t want my son to be an idiot-jerk.

5. The judge. While I know the list itself is partial judgment on the driver personality, there are a lot of drivers on the road and a lot of scenarios that can force issues. I know if there was an emergency, I would pass in non-passing zones, turn right on no-right reds, and generally do whatever needed to be done to get him to the hospital quicker — as long I am not putting us or anyone else in danger (you can argue that these actions do, but I would argue they do not). Sometimes people are making decisions based on what is best, and sometimes they are just jerks. Unless you know the whole story, then you can’t judge — so why let it take up any more time and ruin your day.